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Guest Blog: Lifang Chen's 2019

Guest blogger, Lifang Chen, shares her personal story as an adoptee and her life-changing 2019. Please note this is her personal story and we all have our own voice to share, please respect her journey she has chosen to share with us. Thank you :)

My story is not your usual story. I am Lifang Chen (or Chen Lifang in Mandarin, whatever you prefer haha). I am 25 years old and I had the roughest year ever in 2019. Let’s start with my birthdate. I was born on the 25th of August 1994. I was born in Yiwu, Province of Zhejiang. What happened after my birth is something that many adopted people can’t tell, but since October 2019, I can.

I had struggles, yes, I had so many struggles with my adoption when I was 5 years old. The place I grew up was a very small village with only white people. I don’t think I have to paint a picture of all kinds of racism forms. I was bullied and the bullying actually did not stop after Primary school. It continued at my Highschool. I have a very extravert personality. I am cheery, optimistic and I want attention. I am not even going to apologize, because I had a terrible start in life. I was separated from my biological parents, because of the despicable decisions of the government. After the separation, I came to a family with unfortunately a lot of illness. I am an only child and I live in The Netherlands. After all the bullying I met a Chinese guy who made me feel proud of my roots. I started to get used to my outside. The black hair, the light brown skin, the typical eyes, and the very very flat face and nose. When I was 18 years I went to China on my own. I wanted to experience the culture and get a feeling of my original roots. It was amazing. I went again with my mom in 2015. I was more open to my roots than I ever was. But I did not want to search for my birth parents yet.

In 2018 I felt more open to looking for my birth parents. I said to my boyfriend: “At the end of 2019 or the end of 2020, we are going to make flyers and spread them in my birthplace.” He agreed and I was very looking forward to that plan. At the end of 2018, my mother got very sick and I was looking for ways to comfort myself. I came across the initiative ICSA search group. It is an amazing volunteer group of adoptive parents that will help you to make a digital poster. These are spread per province in China via the Chinese Social Media like Wechat and Weibo. I am impulsive so I replied immediately that I wanted to be on a Zhejiang poster. In March 2019 I went on a digital poster. What happened after is insane, I got a reply via Wechat on the 2nd of April. “We may have found your birthparents”, was what the volunteer of ICSA said to me. I was in shock, what was this about? I had just begun? I was skeptical and eager at the same time.

After some interesting facts that came from the supposed birth parents, I was sure enough to do a DNA test. After three weeks we had the result back. It was a match… I had no idea what to do next, I found my birth parents and I was excited. I wanted to see them as quickly as possible. So I booked tickets for October 2019. You think the stress would kick in, wouldn’t you? It did not.

I had to endure the roughest month after finding my birth parents. My dear mother in The Netherlands died 27th of May 2019. I was devastated and I had so much pain. Nevertheless, I kept on going and I had to organize a major event for my work for the first of October. Yeah, I was such a busy bee. And then on the 28th of October 2019, the time was there. I was going to meet my birth parents. I did not know how to act, I didn't know what to expect, I just knew I was stressed just minutes before. I walked outside the door and the emotions took over. I cried and my dad cried, we hugged and we felt so familiar with each other. With my adoptive mom, it was a bit different, but still emotional.

There was a piece that was so sad my adoptive mom couldn’t be there anymore. There was a piece that had a weird feeling about my biological mom and there was a piece that had no clue what just happened. My boyfriend and I spend two weeks in China with my parents. It was lovely and after this insane corona time, I want to go back, as soon as possible. If you want to know more about this trip and see the video about the first meet up, check out my Instagram @mynameislifang.

My name is Lifang Chen. I am 25 years old, I lost my adoptive mother and found my biological parents. It happened both within two months. A crazy emotional ride for me. I made an Instagram about it, you can check out my journey to my biological parents at @mynameislifang.


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