Hello Triad! As different as all human beings are, so are our journeys through adoption. From, how we find out, to our first face to face. Or for a birth parent being notified they have a "close match" when doing their DNA. Sometimes it's just out of our control, but every piece of your own journey, is important to your story. Our Search Angel, Kandace, has her own moment of truth, her own story, that she'd like to share! It's her story, her journey, including the piece of why she never met her biological parents.
"Hello my name is Kandace. I was born in Tyler Texas. My parents were college graduates working in their chosen professions, living in the midwest. My father was a petroleum engineer, and my mother was in the television industry. She was the host of a daily women’s talk show, and at the same time she enjoyed hosting a kids show. My older sister Kim (whom I later found out was adopted as well) completed my wonderful
family. We moved to Southern California when I was just 18 months old, due to a career opportunity my mother could not refuse. We settled into our house, and we still live in that same house in Southern California today.
Fast forward to 2015, I am 51 years old, and happily married with two children. My father had passed away 27 years ago. My sister passed away 10 years ago. Now my mother has been diagnosed with late stage Alzheimers Disease. Because of her memory issues she was forgetting things with in 5 minutes of hearing them. Sometimes
I would call her and we would have the same conversation 5 times. She had been such a great mom, I would have listened to the same thing 20 times, it was nice just to talk to her. Due to her worsening disease, a neighbor, Laurie (who also has adopted son) and great friend of my mom’s decided it was time to divulge a long kept secret. Laurie
called my husband at work and told him that I was adopted. When he told me, this was my response What? I was adopted! She has lost her mind! I didn’t believe it at all. Laurie had decided my husband should be the one to tell me. Her intent was to let me talk to my mom about it while she might remember something she would want to tell me . My mother never even gave a hint that Kim and I were adopted, she just put up with us, because to her we were HER children. Growing up I knew lots of adopted kids, I just never realized that I too, was adopted.
When I spoke to my mom about it, she had zero memory of me being adopted. I then called her sisters and confirmed it. When my new found knowledge of being adopted was confirmed, (just like you) I had a strong urgency to search online to see what I could find. I know who I am, but who am I really? I joined every adoption website there was. This was a new puzzle I had to solve. I took a DNA test, excited to find out my nationality. During my online searches for information, I found Lori at Adoption Reunion Search & Support. She was great to talk to, and I felt like we could solve my puzzle. It took 8 weeks to process the DNA test, in that time life got busy, my mom passed away, leaving me the only person left in our family. I put my search off for about six months, just trying to deal with it all. When I came back to Adoption Reunion Search and Support I spoke with Cathy, and Nikkie (I didn’t know it, but Kerry was helping also) I would stay up all night trying to figure out who my biological parents were. Within a few short weeks I knew!! I found out who both of my biological parents were. I couldn’t believe it! Unfortunately both my biological parents have passed away, but I am thrilled to know I have many 1/2 siblings, I have contacted some of them and we are building our relationships. I am excited to see what this new chapter of my life will hold.
I had realized that not knowing I was adopted, had kept me from the awkward feelings of abandonment, or just feeling "different" while growing up. However, if I had known, I could have possibly met my biological parents. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer to the question “Do we tell them they are adopted? or not?” I believe that God makes it happen as it should. Be sure to check out the new website for Adoption Reunion Search & Support. I honestly feel so incredibly grateful to all the Angels at Adoption Reunion Search & Support. I could not have done it without them. Now being accepted as a new Search Angel, I would love to help you too."
If you would like to become apart of the ARSS team as a Search Angel please click here for more information.